Move to Florida, they said.

Growing up in rural Maryland, I spent my whole naive childhood thinking that Florida was always warm and full of old people or drunk kids. Because that's the Florida stereotype, right? People think Florida and their mind goes to Disney, Key West, and spring break. Florida is where people go for vacation, to get drunk , and to retire.

So when my husband service selected aviation during our senior year of college, I was thrilled to be moving to Florida. I could care less about the beach, old people, and drunk kids, but I am always cold. So, in my rational way of thinking, I thought "Florida will be nice and warm and I'll never be cold again!"

I was never more wrong in my life.

First off, we live in the pan-handle. This isn't Orlando or Tampa or Key West. This is rural Florida. Milton is a bunch of good old boys with big trucks. We witnessed a lawn mower being pulled over by the cops yesterday. And didn't think anything of it. About thirty minutes west in Pensacola, they are a little more upscale, but it still isn't Orlando by far. Downtown Pensacola is actually classy, and there is a lot of culture surrounding the city.

Now, after that disclaimer, back to the weather. Florida isn't just hot. It's really freaking humid. I can take 90 degree weather, and enjoy it. But add 70%+ humidity into the mix and it isn't even close to enjoyable. You walk outside and immediately feel like you need to go take another shower. It's disgusting. Now repeat this scenario every day from April to October. Wait, no -- add one day a month with no humidity, just to mix things up.

Because of the extreme heat and humidity, everybody cranks the air conditioning to the max. Remember me? The one who is always cold? Yeah, I'm that person carrying a sweater around with me in the middle of summer because otherwise I'd be shivering. And then people wonder why I drink so much. Alcohol does wonders for warming a person up.

The only enjoyable result of the painful humidity is the thunderstorms. Almost every afternoon, there's a wicked rain storm, normally accompanied by thunder. It's normally quite glorious, and sometimes a little intense. Of course, this trend complicates taking the bike. Because even if the forecast is clear, this is Florida and anything can happen. And honestly, riding in the rain is the worst thing ever.

This is obviously from an occasion where it did not rain as we were riding.

Now, let's talk about "winter" in Florida. Somewhere around November, it starts getting a little cooler. Beginning of December, it's a little too cool to take the motorcycle out. This lasts until about the end of January, when riding season begins again. This is the only noticeable season change. But remember, it's Florida, so mother nature hates everyone. So, in those two months of "winter" where it does get below freezing on occasion, why not mix things up and have a "snow storm"? My husband and I attended college in New York and Wisconsin, respectively, so we know what snow storms really look like. Pensacola and the surrounding areas are basically connected by a series of bridges, and everyone know what happens when snow and bridges mix. The entire city practically shut down for a couple days. This is Florida... what does one do with snow?

The ground outside our old apartment in Pensacola, with a light dusting of snow.

Like I said, mother nature hates everyone.

The pan-handle has been fortunate enough to not be effected by any hurricanes yet this year (knock on wood) but everyone says that we're due for another big hurricane to hit the area. Hurricanes are a big thing for the Navy. Like, they'll fly flight students out of the area if a hurricane is going to hit. They throw dependents under the bus, but rest assured that I'll be packing up the Bernina, the cat, and a bottle of bourbon to head north for a couple days.

Moving on to a subject other than the weather, the absolute worst thing about Florida is the bugs. They are everywhere, and in large quantities. Since we live in the country, we get an unusual amount of bugs. In the first week we moved into our house, we killed two huge spiders, which my husband thought were brown recluse. I'll just say that neither of us like bugs and it didn't take us long to get pest control to come. We have a nice patio on the back of our house, but between the bugs, the humidity, and the fact that the back of the house faces the west, we don't get to utilize that patio very frequently. It's a sad fact of living in Florida. If you're visiting Florida, bring boots and fly swatters to address the bug problem.

The view from our back patio on the one occasion we could actually sit outside.

Lastly, I can't help but address the problem of Florida drivers. I'm not sure why but nobody in this state knows how to accelerate or gauge another driver's speed. Oh, and apparently Florida cars don't come with turn signals. Who knew. Here is an example of why I get road rage, and, consequently, why my husband normally drives. I was doing between 55 and 60 down the road, and a Town Car pulls out in front of me about 50 yards ahead of me. When one is going 55 mph, 50 yards isn't much time to brake. And then, the woman doesn't accelerate. At all. By this time I'm having to slam on the brakes in order to avoid a collision. She was turning at the next road about another 50 yards down the road, but she didn't signal until she was now stopping in front of me. And she looked traumatized when I blew the horn. This is a daily occurrence when driving in Florida. So a word to the wise: learn to judge the speed of oncoming traffic and signal if you're turning. You might prevent that oncoming car from hitting you.
 
So if you can get past the weather, the bugs, and the idiot drivers, Florida isn't a bad state. Of course, I only speak for the pan-handle, which is more like southern Alabama, but that's beside the point. The people are pretty nice, even if they can't drive, and there are about two weeks of enjoyable weather where you can have the windows open. The concert scene is surprisingly good in the Pensacola area, the restaurants are great, and the beaches are lovely.

My point is that Florida is a glorious place to visit, but living here isn't half as enjoyable as visiting. But seriously, who wouldn't die for that view every day.

The Pensacola pier.